The Netherlands -v- the Rest of the World....

Nine things I didn’t know enough about the Netherlands –

My GPS has a built in radar detector – two appliances in one. Sweeeeeet….

The sun, in January, comes up at 9:30. It then lurks behind the fog and clouds for about 6 hours before retreating again for the “night”. This leads to a wretched attitude (worse than my usual bitchy outlook) towards getting out of bed in the morning, eating breakfast, then driving two kids to school in blackness, 5 days a week. (that's Sawyer above, on his first morning at his new school).

A bottle of Jacob’s Creek runs around $5 at the supermarket. FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!

There’s a small but memorable scene in the movie “Pulp Fiction” where John Travolta describes to Samuel L Jackson what the Dutch like to dump on their french fries, a national institution. It’s true. When buying ‘frites’ from a street vendor or even in a restaurant, they will smother your lovely potato chips with a softball-size glob of mayonnaise, unless you catch them first and ask them NOT to. Perhaps you would you prefer Tartar Sauce. Or ketchup. How about a curry or garlic sauce? Oh, the humanity….

Be prepared to graduate from mere handshaking to a triple cheek kiss after second or third meeting with, oh, the boss’ wife, your neighbor or gym instructor. And if it’s particularly cold outside, wipe that runny nose before you swing your head back and forth like that.

While on the subject of food, the beer is plentiful and wonderful. And they serve it with a massive, frothy head. My dad or any of my brothers would have a stroke.

This country is pancake flat. Really. So there is a thriving bicycle culture like no other. AND we have to give way to said bicyclists everywhere – roundabouts, crossroads, parking garages, etc. So when it’s pitch black, ahem, good luck. You are at fault, no matter what. I think it is the death penalty if you hit one. It’s like stepping on a nest of Bald Eagle eggs.

Simon works in a town, the borders of which have been contested for centuries. Baarle-Nassau is such an oddity that it is now a curious tourist destination. It’s a Belgian town in the middle of the Netherlands. Houses, pubs, highways lie in two countries. Crossing the ‘border’ while on your cell phone, will incur international roaming charges. And whatever you do, don’t die and land on both sides. It takes days for them to figure out who has jurisdiction over your dead self.

The Dutch are the world’s tallest people. This means you’ll never reach the pedals if you borrow your neighbor’s bicycle. The mirrors in our bathroom only show the top of our heads, and if I stretch I can just touch the peep hole on our front door with my hand. When I go to the bathroom, I need a running start to jump up onto the toilet seat, and then I enjoy dangling my feet like when I was 2.