Germany

We woke up slowly yesterday morning, grumbled at the rain outside, shrugged our shoulders and decided to drive to Germany, for want of something better to do. Ahh, Germany, the great “pick-me-up”!

The weather here can be a bit of a downer and, after my parents called to remind me that they were truly dying from heat over in Australia, and after trying to watch another Prime Example (a bad American movie – they seem to ship volumes of them to unsuspecting non-native speaking countries, ‘fixed’ with altered sub-titles), we stuffed pancakes down our throats and hit the road. Following our TomTom precisely (“turn around when possible”), we by-passed Aachen, and decided on Cologne. I vaguely remember a pretty big cathedral there on one of my fly-by European visits a couple of decades ago. Being a typical filthy backpacker then, I had no money and spent the day ‘sightseeing’, which consisted of hanging out in whatever protected me from the elements – church, visitors center, Hare Krishna restaurants – and as I recall, in Cologne, Germany, it was this one big, gothic cathedral. No wonder the Germans hated me.

Happily, they seemed to have warmed up a bit. I’ve got cash this time, so I can actually have a beer with my $2 French fries. Having something like 22 breweries here, it would be criminal to turn to another beverage when in Cologne. We wandered the streets, bought some Eau De Cologne, admired the architecture and noted two outstanding landmarks. The magnificent cathedral was started way back in the 12th century, houses the remains of the Three Wise Men, and is the single most compelling reason why people visit this part of the country (it’s really pretty industrial otherwise). Actually, the whole reason for Cologne’s existence is that some Duke or Bishop-like Duke stole the bones of the 3 Wise Men from Italy about 1,000 years ago and decided to set up the ultimate medieval “tourist” destination. With pilgrims flocking in from all over Europe, there was plenty of cash to build the giant Cathedral and the tourism continues to this day (got my money too). If I ever become Executive Director of some Economic Development Agency in a rust belt US city, my first brilliant idea will be “How about we steal some sacred bones!”

I remember my first visit to Germany – East Berlin, actually, in 1989, when the wall was crumbling down. There, in a giant cherry picker, was none other than David Hasselhoff, blasting away in a ‘free’ concert. I’ll never forget what he was wearing – a leather flight jacket, covered in flashing, giant, light bulbs. Soon as he started ‘singing’, the lights flashed to the beat, reducing the hursuited one to a human Christmas tree. I thought I had seen it all, in life, then another ‘first’ in Cologne…. feeling humbled, a little overwhelmed, and somewhat emotional after some sad news from home, we strolled around aimlessly, until we found Cologne’s other outstanding ‘landmark’ – this, from the menswear department of a Macy’s/Myer’s equivalent. It just can’t be beat… maybe there’s a poster of David Hasselhoff somewhere, modeling this kind of underwear.